Turning into a parent is an unforeseen occasion, And ‘How To Become a Better Parent’ is a must to read article for all parent and guidance, Nobody really practices how to do it until it really occurs and there we stand considering how to manage the little soul. Notwithstanding, as time passes, parenting comes to us naturally.
Two of the most difficult positions on the planet are raising a child and being the most ideal parent for them. Bringing up a children without carrying out explicit principles isn’t sufficient, be that as it may.
The work must be done so that when you’re “set,” you’ve as of now made a cherishing, dependable, independent, compassionate, insightful, empathic, and aware persona. Subsequently, it is ideal to bring down the bar a bit and begin figuring out how to become a better parent.
What kind of an adult and a parent one becomes is partially learned and partially acquired by instinct? Our genetic makeup determines the kind of person that we can potentially become but our environment overshadows our hereditary tendency and finally determines the person we actually become.
17 Pro Tips: How To Become A Better Parent
Now no one wants to be a bad parent. We only want the best for our children. But our attitudes are greatly shaped by how we were treated as a child and the kind of person we actually became.
The voice of conscience that takes us to a guilt trip in moments of solitude is actually the good person inside each one of us; it’s our genes speaking to us, reminding us of the never-ending possibility of improving ourselves and become a better parent.
Don’t get me wrong; mistakes will be made along the way. You won’t be perfect, regardless of how hard you try.
And no matter how great a job you do, your child may have issues beyond your control. Remember, they will be born with a will of their own that may conflict with yours. Nevertheless, carrying out the following tips will provide you with the best chance to create a fantastic human being of whom you can be proud.
Here are some simple behavioral modifications that can help you improve your parenting skills:
I knew a couple who had a daughter. She was smart, sweet, and as cute as a button, but her parents were old school. They believed the adage that a child should be seen and not heard. She might as well have been a doll in a curio cabinet. Unfortunately, this little girl had a lot of exciting ideas and things to say. I knew this because she would share them with me on the occasions that we were alone.
Children are interesting, funny, and curious, and they look upon you — their parent — as a hero. They have a wealth of knowledge and a great perspective on life. Listening to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can offer. They will feel valued and grow up knowing that they matter.
It’s not always easy to listen. Sometimes, children will carry on without saying anything profound. But if they believe you’re listening, they will feel important and provide you with amazing nuggets of information.
Note: Make a real and honest effort when you are listening to your children. Don’t listen while multitasking and muttering, “Hmm, that’s nice, dear!”
Sadly, I’ve seen lots of parents on their phones, their heads buried in Facebook or Instagram feed, while their child tries unsuccessfully to get their attention. In his book, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck, M. D., wrote, “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time. True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love.”
2. Provide Unconditional Love
I knew a mother who loved her son so much, but her love came at a high price. When he behaved as she expected him to — getting recognition for being a star athlete or academic achievements — she showered him with love. In truth, she bragged and put up framed newspaper articles of her son’s accomplishments.
That same boy, though, went through a rough patch when he was a senior, becoming unruly and hostile. Down came the framed article, and up came the silent treatment.
Providing unconditional love creates a secure bond and a healthy person. Knowing you have your parent’s love no matter what makes a fantastic anchor for the child. They know they can mess up and still be loved. They know they can come to you with their worst offenses, and while you might get upset, your love will remain intact.
3. Teach by Example
However, How To Become A Better Parent is simple in some cases if u can study your children and teach them by example.
Children watch and listen to you very closely. You may think that they’re not paying attention, that they’re in the other room, playing with their Legos, but they are listening.
If you want to teach your child, lead by example.
For instance, if you want them to eat healthy foods, eat healthy foods. If you don’t want them to pick up bad habits, like smoking, don’t smoke. If you don’t want them to be violent, be peaceful. If you wish to raise a trustworthy child, keep your word.
If you want to teach your child how to communicate, speak kindly and listen with an open heart. Whatever you want your child to learn, be willing to do it yourself. You are the best teacher for the job!
4. Spend Time Together Often
Life is full of work, errands, get-togethers, appointments, etc. It’s easy to get lost in all the hustle and bustle and not leave enough time for your children. I know busy parents who set their children down on the couch to watch TV or play with an iPad while they’re working.
Occasionally, that isn’t a bad thing. But regularly, it can create a gap between you and your child.
You can avoid being an absentee parent by spending time with your children every day. Talk to them about anything; ask about their day. If you can, allow them to help you with household chores. E.g., cleaning, folding laundry or stacking dishes in the dishwasher.
They’ll feel good when they know you need them, and you can use this as a family bonding opportunity.
5. Follow Through
Follow through creates trust in your child. They will believe that what you say you’re going to do will genuinely be done.
Children are very perceptive. Let me reiterate: they are always watching and listening.
For instance, I was on a walk one afternoon with my granddaughter and her parents. The little girl was asked if she wanted to ride the stroller, and she replied, “No, I want to walk.”
My daughter-in-law responded, “Okay, but if you get tired, I’m not carrying you! Understood?”
After about 15 minutes, my granddaughter complained that her legs hurt. She started whining and complaining. When my daughter-in-law picked her up, she commented, “I thought you said you weren’t going to pick me up?”
My daughter-in-law did not follow through, and her daughter knew it. She was only four years old.
You see, when parents say things and end up not doing them, they become empty threats — words without any back-up.
Following through is critical in raising a responsible adult. You need to be kind, clear, and concise.
The child has to know that you mean business. If you tell them they’re not having a sleepover unless their homework is done, then the homework better be done. If it’s not, there will be no sleepover.
It doesn’t matter if you had plans with your friends or a date with your husband. Just make sure that whatever the consequences are for your kids’ bad behavior, you can back it up with action.
6. Focus on Positive Qualities
There is an old American proverb that says, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease/oil.” It is used to communicate the notion that the most clamorous problems are the ones that will more than likely get noticed.
If your child is well-behaved and minding their own business, you might be tempted to let them be. On the other hand, if they are acting out and making a raucous, they may get a lot of attention.
This sends the message that the kids have to misbehave before you focus on them. Bad attention, after all, is better than no attention.
Positive attention is paramount. If you only pay attention to your child’s negative behavior while ignoring their positive qualities, you are robbing them the chance of being their best selves.
Simply notice all the things you love about your kids and minimize the criticisms. That’s especially essential when you have children between the ages 0 and 5. Since they are impressionable, whatever you say often will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
7. Apologize When Necessary
We all make mistakes. There are some parents, however, who don’t apologize no matter how many mistakes they make with their children. They incorrectly assume that apologizing is a sign of weakness.
Well, nothing could be farther from the truth. As we have learned before,
“Apologizing to your child is a sign of respect for the overall relationship you have with him.”
Making mistakes is human. I guarantee you that your child will not think less of you. If you fail to apologize, you miss out on a teachable moment about the importance of taking responsibility. After all, you want your child to apologize when they do something wrong.
If the kids lie, lash out at another child, or break something of value, you want them to own up to it and apologize for what’s happened. It is during these moments that you teach your child that an apology is the right course of action. If you don’t do the same thing, what exactly are you teaching them?
You may find it difficult to apologize because you feel superior or fear losing your authority. In truth, your child will see you as a human, and they may feel closer to you than ever.
Show your kid that no one is perfect, that you all make mistakes in life. Apologies can correct so many wrongs. Just a few simple words can cure the worst transgressions.
A word for the wise: put your ego aside. Say you’re sorry and move on. If you can do that, you will be building a strong relationship — one based on love and respect — with your children.
8. Allow Kids to Be Who They Want to Be
My maternal grandfather, Pánfilo D. Camacho, was a lawyer and author in Havana, Cuba. He expected my uncle, Jorge Camacho, to follow in his footsteps. My uncle, however, wanted to be an artist and fulfill his dreams in Paris, France.
At the time, my grandfather did not see art as a “real job” or something that could provide security. Despite knowing how his father felt, my uncle met with him and explained that his goals. Thankfully, my grandfather thought about it and gave his only son his blessing. He also helped with all the necessary expenses to get my uncle to Paris and study with the best of the best.
My uncle became a very celebrated artist in France. Jorge Camacho’s amazing surrealist art is still sold today.
This scenario could have played out quite differently if my grandfather dug in his heels. He could have forced my uncle to become a lawyer just like him.
Fortunately, he realized that allowing my uncle to be who he wanted to be was the right thing to do. And it was. My uncle was grateful and made a name for himself. My grandfather was proud, and their relationship grew strong.
Allow your child to be who they want to be, not who you think they should be. After all, it is their life — their journey. You’re just there to watch and provide guidance whenever necessary.
9. Grow Along With Your Children
Children grow and evolve, just like us. It’s important to grow with them and adjust the way you discipline and talk to them.
For example, if your 4-year-old misbehaves by bending the truth or whining, you may ignore their antics and stay calm with regards to the lying. This is common for this age group.
If you’re dealing with an 8-year-old, your child understands the difference between right and wrong and looks to you for guidance.
Meanwhile, teens need to be addressed in another way. That is a difficult and challenging age group — one that deserves great care and attention. You cannot talk to your 16-year-old as if they were still 9!
10. Validate Their Feelings
While growing up, lots of things that generate a multitude of feelings happen. As a parent, you want to take the time to validate your child’s feelings. Don’t be dismissive and act like their feelings are not important.
The other day, my 8.5-year-old granddaughter came over. I could see that she’d been crying. When I asked if she was, she looked at me with sad eyes. My granddaughter informed me that she missed her best friend whom she hadn’t seen for almost six months since the community quarantine began.
I didn’t say, “Don’t worry about it; you’ll see her someday! Now, run along.” Nope. I looked her in the eye and said, “It must be so tough not to see your best friend for such a long time.”
My granddaughter’s eyes welled up with tears as she nodded. I validated her feelings, and she felt heard. As it turned out, her little friend was allowed to visit the next day. She came over to my house again, but this time, she exclaimed, “This is the happiest day of my quarantine!”
If you do not validate your child’s feelings, they will think that their feelings are unimportant and learn not to share them at all. You don’t want that, of course.
You want to have your finger on the pulse of their emotions. You need to make sure they come to you in the future when heavier things come down the pipe.
Here’s an example of WHAT NOT TO SAY: Your teenage daughter comes to you and utters, “Richard broke up with me. I’m devastated!” Then, you reply, “Don’t worry about it! There is plenty of fish in the sea — probably even better ones. You’re too young anyway.” You might as well have stabbed her in the heart.
Instead of doing that, try saying, “That is heartbreaking. You must really be hurting. If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”
Listen and communicate with compassion.
11. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Whenever I used to pick up my 16-year-old grandson from school, I’d make the mistake of asking, “How was school today?”
You can probably guess the answer. It was always the same, “Good!” Just one lonely word.
So, I decided on another approach: asking open-ended questions. The next time I picked him up, I asked, “So, what was the best part of your day?”
It was impossible for my grandson to just reply, “Good.” He was forced to stop and think about some incidents that already happened. It doesn’t matter what they tell you; the key is to get them to talk. That’s how you learn what’s going on in their lives.
This not only works with children but also with adults. For example, when you ask someone, “Do you like your job?”, they may answer yes or no. But if you say, “What do you like or dislike about your job?”, you’ll get a lot of information.
Open-ended questions are the key to getting more information than you’ll know what to do with!
12. Treat them the way you would like to be treated yourself
It’s strange but true. Everything we give to others eventually comes back to us one day like a ball bouncing off a wall. So treat your children with respect and care, the way you want to be treated yourself.
There would be times when they will take you to your wit’s end and coerce you to show them your evil side, but try not to make it a routine. Spanking or calling them with bad names will not only spoil their self-image but can come bouncing back to you someday. You wouldn’t certainly like that happen. Would you?
13. Mean what you say and say what you mean
Most of us are in a habit of saying things we don’t actually mean. Like we may treat our children to cut down their screen time if they do not complete their homework on time or buy them their favorite gadget if they pass the exam with flying colors, but most of the time they are just manipulative tactics employed to pass the time.
What we don’t realize are the negative impacts of such careless behavior.
Making false promises to your kids breaks the bond of trust, resulting in the failure of manipulation in future. Making tall claims and intimidating your children without any genuine follow-up gradually allows your children to take you for granted and your talk non-seriously.
So make it a habit. Never lie to your children. Only say what you actually mean and once said, make sure you mean it too!
14. Give them space and freedom
Agree or not, parents consider their children as an opportunity to relive their dreams and fulfill their desires. We want our kids to see the world with our eyes.
This selfish streak forces us to restrict their own flight. We want to steer them at our will and show no compassion for their interests and natural inclinations. Sometimes, this obstinacy can destroy their careers and tarnish their personalities.
We should realize that they may be our kids but they have as much right to freedom of making their own choices as we had and it would be downright cruel to alter the course of their lives to suit our wishes.
Give them space to breathe freely and support them in realizing their true potential. May be that will give you more happiness and a greater sense of pride one day.
15. Let them have their own share of misery
Parents are naturally over-protective. They never want their children to fall or get hurt in life. They would do whatever it takes to take the pain away from their lives. They over pamper them and show them only the optimistic side of the world.
But as is the rule of the world, there’s always a time when reality shines in our faces and we are forced to see the dark side of things too. We have to have our own share of pain and misery to learn and groom ourselves but for a person who doesn’t have the slightest idea about it, things may become really difficult.
In the face of difficulties and hardships, they may give up altogether and quit. So, if you want your kids to grow up as strong, stable and successful individuals, stop shadowing them. Let them fall sometimes so that they would learn how to get back on their own feet.
16. Don’t forget to show your love and appreciation:
One of the greatest mistakes parents usually make is that they are quick to notice the flaws in their children and criticize them but they often forget to notice and commend them on doing something good.
And even those who do, just state their appreciation in plain words that are hardly encouraging. We often feel that there is no recurrent need to express our love for our children thinking that they are already aware of our emotions.
Some of us have locks inside ourselves that keep us from openly expressing our love. Remember that the bud of love needs repeated showers of expression to blossom.
Although it may seem tough at first especially if you are a reserved parent but inculcates the habit of appreciating your kids on a daily basis.
Don’t wait for them to accomplish something big. Break your barriers and cuddle and fondle them to the fullest. After all, childhood comes only once!
17. Be their go-to friend in times of need:
Children are impatient, little creatures. They can’t wait for their needs to be met and their questions to be answered. Keeping in mind that you are the only one who loves them selflessly and unconditionally, don’t let them slip away from your hands.
Life may be hectic and you may have your hands stuck in different chores, but if your child wants you to listen to what happened at school or answer an innocent question, put your frustrations aside and listen to them.
Refrain from passing judgmental remarks and blaming them for any unpleasant situations. This will make them feel comfortable about sharing all sorts of things with you.
Don’t let them form their perceptions and opinions in the light of other people’s experiences, who may not necessarily be their well-wishers. Giving them their due attention will not let the emotions from piling up and your child will be able to sail smoothly through the ups and downs of life.
Being a good and responsible parent can be one of the most rewarding tasks in the world. It is not effortless, however. It takes a lot of work and patience.
Implementing the above-mentioned 11 suggestions won’t guarantee a perfect family, but you will have a solid base to build and grow upon.
Your child is a reflection of you. What do you wish them to reflect?
Learn How To Become A Better Parent and help produce a legacy of outstanding humans.